I accidentally posted this unfinished and early before, my little finger brushed the publish button, touch-phone screens are really sensitive these days lol!

Good evening,

I’ve been meditating on womanhood, pain and love.

This morning my period started and it was excruciating as usual. I was literally sitting there writhing in pain for hours. Thankfully I work from home.

Whilst I was writing in pain I was thinking, this is the price I have to pay in order to have children because as we all know from school, a menstruating woman is a fertile woman.

Basically menstruation in a nutshell is the beginning of a cycle where a woman’s ovaries produce an egg, the womb lining gets thicker in preparation to host a baby and the egg waits to be fertilized by sperm. If the egg is not fertilized then the woman’s body says “ok better luck next time let’s get rid of all this extra stuff we don’t need it this time”, then her body dumps the egg and the extra lining of the uterus. The menstruation is the sign that at one point that month your ovaries produced an egg. If your ovaries aren’t working and don’t produce any eggs you don’t have periods. Which is why menstruation is a sign of fertility. The NHS has an informative page on periods.

Anyway, so I was thinking, we women ensure pain every month so we can have the gift of children, that’s the only reason why I don’t complain. I bear the pain for the love of being a mother one day.

Then I thought physical pain and love are inextricably linked in womanhood. So periods are painful but you keep them because you love children.

Childbirth is excruciating (so I’m told lol) but it one of the most loving moments between a mother and her child she endures it so her child can be delivered and live. Labor is an act of love.

Sex, this can be painful for some women because they have problems like Vaginismus, again, the NHS has a handy page on this, in a nutshell that’s when a woman’s pelvic muscles spasm whenever she tries to put anything in her vagina e.g. a tampon, this literally shuts the vagina, so nothing can get in.

Or another thing is that perhaps it’s her first time having sex and she doesn’t know what she’s doing and he doesn’t know what he’s doing, especially if they are Christians and waited till their wedding night to have sex. This is something that keeps me up at night lol I feel really worried about this even whilst writing this I’ve developed a headache lol. Me and my single self is totally in control of what goes in my nether regions, apart from when I get the annual smear test, again the NHS are helpful with this one.

I would love to be married but I am not looking forward to an over enthusiastic, heavy (because I only weigh 7.5st or 102 pounds lol), aroused man trying to navigate my body for the first time. I feel like it’s going to hurt lol. However! We can work on it, I’m told sex gets better with time. Also, a decent man will listen to you when you say, “please don’t do that at that angle” lol. So I’m willing to work with him to educate/help him to not hurt me and still have a fulfilling sex life. But you see obviously you have to first experience the pain before you realise you shouldn’t do something. Therein lies the risk you take in having an intimate relationship with someone. You might get hurt, a good man won’t mean it, it’s just he doesn’t know what he’s doing, communicate with him, if he’s a good person he wont want to hurt you. However, you have to be willing to risk pain so you can grow together in physical and emotional closeness.

And that’s life as a woman but I know Jesus will help me through it all!

 

Love Catherine